6:30am...... I wake up to the cutest blue eyes in my face and he is tapping my forehead saying,
6:45am...I feel the tapping again but this time it's another child. "Mom, can I get up?"
7:00am...My husband gets up, gets everyone started on breakfast (and no he doesn't get to do it often) while I am struggling to wake up. He must have heard my mean voice and realized I did need the 30 extra minutes! :)
7:15....I sit up, and I am reminded that today is our anniversary by the precious gift that was on my nightstand. 10 years! I am thankful.
Now, back to my day. I have had a constant pull the past year, to be purposeful. Basically when I am planning the day I have tried to make every decision on the question, "is this purposeful?".
It has occurred to me a few times (well, maybe a lot of times) that my confidence as a mom was starting to be measured by what my days looked like.
I tend to be extreme (if you don't believe me, ask my family) about life. Becoming a mom has rocked my socks off but also knocks me on my tush SO much. Parenting is one of the HARDEST tasks (jobs, mission, or whatever you want to call it) I have ever been called to. When we brought home our first born I had the thinking of, "if I can figure out the formula," then we will be able to raise some solid kiddos! Ummmmm.....did I just say that? Oh, how shameful of me, but I just knew that I would learn it and maybe make a few mistakes on the way.
I was THAT mom..
The mom who didn't give her baby sweets until he was a toddler, nursed him until he was 24 months, who let him have VERY limited screen time (and when he did, it was justified), who let him play with only "educational" toys, who had The Perfect Schedule, and who went to the grocery store and would glean at all the compliments.
Now, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with any of these, until it defines you as a mom. Until your worth is based on these things alone.
There were many a times I found myself saying, "my child never _______," or "my child only_____."
You can fill in the blanks. Maybe you find yourself saying something similar? Except when you say it, you feel this great feeling of, dare I say, "accomplishment?" Do you know what I'm talking about? And then maybe the response you get from others is similar to, "oh, wow, really? That is awesome!"
Again, I'm not saying these things are bad at all. I am speaking on the fact of these things defining what kind of a parent I am. Speaking from first hand experience I have been THAT mom so many times. Oh, and don't think for one second that I'm past that because I know how easily and fast my thinking can go right back to that place.
That nasty, hopeless, never being enough, dark place.
Doing all the "good" things as a mom is such a good thing but please don't ever forget that you are a woman in Christ whose worth is completely in Christ alone! Nothing can change that! It doesn't matter how much screen time your child has, if they eat only organic, how long you nurse, how long they sleep, or even how many times you can go to the grocery store and call it "peaceful".
{I do love all of these things and my days are easier when they happen.}
I feel like we (mostly meaning I, and maybe a few other moms I know) spend so much energy on trying to be "the worlds greatest mom who does, says, walks, sews, jumps, eats, dances, sleeps, cooks, runs, sings, and everything else PERFECTLY," when that's not what God calls us to do at all. Not even close. NO!
We are called to seek Him, know Him, and love Him in what we are doing. It's not easy, and there is no perfect formula but HE gives us grace and is with us through every single moment. Yes, every single moment.
Lord, I want to believe your truth and promises EVERY SINGLE MOMENT!
"I am complete in HIM who is the Head of all principality and power." 1 Colossians 2:10
